Deeply wounded

They say time heals all

But sometimes it hurts.

The day is fast approaching

And all I can think about is you.

As I leave the house that was once my home

To embark on this new journey

To start my own family

All I can think about is you.

As I leave the comfort I’ve always known,

Into a house of my very own

With a man I hold dear to my heart

All I can think about is you.

– The absence of the first man I ever loved on my wedding day, baba.



Who am I you ask. 

But you answered your own question. 

Someone who has built sturdy walls to keep out the pain. 

Walls I have worked tiresly to build. 

But one by one you’re tearing them down

As if that’s what you were sent for. 

Do I hate it? 

Surprisingly not. 

I am lost for words because you have given me something I never thought I would have. 

Just like the hadith where we are told if we enter Jannah, we will forget all of our worldly hardships. 

Being with you is similar to that. 

Like my heaven on earth, 

You make me forget the times I didn’t want to live 

Because life was tough. 

But now you are here, 

And that’s enough. 

So be patient with me, 

It takes a while for me to open up

As much as I want to tell you everything, 

Sometimes the words don’t come out. 

Once a stranger 

There you were. 

Strange as a stranger can be. 

Our souls must have met previously, 

For me to be full of certainty

That you will be the one

I will spend my days and my nights with

In happiness 

And in pain. 

Show me you will be there

Through struggles and despair

And I will do everything I can

To make you the happiest man. 


Like a burning candle, 

Sometimes you brighten up my night. 

When the power goes out, and all I see is darkness, your guiding light saves me. 

But sometimes, the light catches on fire, and you become the burning house that’s crashing in on me. 

As though rubble has collapsed on me, 
Burrying me deep into the ground until there’s nothing left of me.


-Sometimes your family will be your strength and guide you through, and sometimes they will push you to unimaginable limits. 

I waited. 

The next day I woke up and you were no longer to be seen.

The footsteps you used to take, no longer to be heard.
The bed you used to sleep in, deserted.
The clothes you wore, now taken away for good will or for dry clean.
The house was quiet. Empty.
Something was missing.
I waited.
Every time I heard a car driving past at night,
I waited for the noise I would usually hear despite
I waited for the sound of the key unlocking the door.
I waited.
But nothing happened, not at all.

Then the pains of seeing your beautiful face,
No heart beat.
I broke down and embraced
All that I could, all that remained.

And then I saw your name on the grave.
Then it was all too real to handle,
Too much to take
Now the pain is unbearable.

The ground you are to be buried in also awaited.
It now feels your presence
While we’re separated.
But now I wait for a different meeting.
I wait until I can meet you in heaven.
And that’s better than seeing you again in this world.
And I wait, until I am to my Lord returned. 
~To give some context, this is about when my dad passed away when I was 13. From the early days to the funeral where I saw him, followed by the burial. 

Beautiful lie. Photos in disguise.

Instead of hiding it like I should have, 

I showed it to the world.  

“Look at me, look at how beautiful I am”

May as well have been the caption. 

Taking credit, 

as if I had anything to do with it. 

All I did was put some make-up on,

Hid behind where I was truly from. 

Looking for acceptance and liberation. 

Compliments and affirmation. 

Now all I see is darkness in that life, 

How was that enjoyable? 

If I could put in words, 

How much I regret the way

I sought approval and praise

At the cost of my hereafter.


We are lying to ourselves if we say, 

We seek nothing else…

What do you live for? 

What makes you wake up each day? 

There’s got to be more to life than this. 


We feel sorry for the blind,

Yet we cannot see.
They have no sight,
But we are the ones blinded from this worlds’ beauty.

We sympathise with those who have no sense of hearing.
But we are reminded over and over again, and we do nothing.
How about those who have no speech,
Are we grateful for the blessings we reap?

Don’t feel sorry for the one who doesn’t have one of these abilities
They cannot see or hear the injustice that we commit daily.

It is true that we can be deaf, dumb and blind
Even though we see, hear and speak.

“Deaf, dumb and blind – so they will not return [to the right path].” -Baqarah v18

“The lightning almost snatches away their sight. Every time it lights [the way] for them, they walk therein; but when darkness comes over them, they stand [still]. And if Allah had willed, He could have taken away their hearing and their sight. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent.” -Baqarah v20

Hospital bed

Seeing you like this,

So hard.

I’m struggling to write,

No matter how much I try

I cannot put into words,

How much it hurts.

I can only pray that things get better,

But it’ll take time, patience and never

To lose hope.

If my Lord, the all Powerful, Al-Jabbar

Can send his messenger far

From Masjid Al Haram to Masjid Al Aqsa

Through the heavens and back to Makkah

Then He can surely cure you if He wills.

And if my Lord the Most Merciful,

Can grant His servant Zakariah

Whose bones were weak and frail

Grant him a child when he asked for a successor

Even though his wife was barren,

By the Will of my Lord, anything can happen.

And how about when our mother Maryam

Had a baby without a man

Her son became one of the most noble

Prophets to walk this globe.

So do not despair

Allah will take care of your affairs.

And for Musa, He split the sea in two,

If only you knew

Maybe your health will be restored

And it is easy for My Lord

To simply say “Be” and it is.

There is nothing He cannot fix.

~Seeing my grandpa in the hospital the way he is, he’s not himself. He’s usually so strong and tough. Now he’s weak, sore, and struggles to move. He usually has a very loud voice, and now we can barely hear him due the cords damaging his insides. He’s hallucinating due to the stroke, explaining events that never took place. The pain to see him like that is one thing, but to see my grandmother upset and hurting is a whole nother story. It just reminds you how temporary this life is. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah for everything.

Please keep him in your duas as well as all the other sick people in the hospital and at home. May Allah swt heal all the sick and grant their families Sabrun jameel. Ameen.

Feeling abandoned

And just like that, you have left us again

Year after year, out into the wilderness you descend,
Before we could taste the sweetness of your presence.
I pray that our deeds are of acceptance.
How dear you are to me,
Seeing you again, I have no guarantee.
Many of us reach the height of worship when you’re around,
Only to fall back to our bad habits once shawwal comes round.

The fastness of this month should be a reminder to you and I,
About how fast this life goes by.
Before you know it, we’ll be standing in front of our Lord
Answering questions about this life we adored.
How were our daily prayers,
Our speech and our manners.
Were we kind, generous and helpful.
Or did we make life difficult for people.
How did we spend our wealth and youth.
Did we spend our time in worship or at play.
These are things that will be asked on that day.
Are we still not ready to make a change?