Ughh this couldn’t be written any better. I was once at a friend’s house, and one of her friends’ was saying exactly this ‘good men are for good women’. And she was talking about how if someone has had a bad past then they’re not going to marry, or rather they’re not worthy of marrying someone who has been ‘good’ all along.
Another friend tried to get her to understand the other side, and suggested that if someone has repented then it’s not up to us to decide whether they are a ‘good’ woman or not. However, she kept rebutting with this verse that says good men are for good women.
For someone like me who has come from darkness into light (inshaaAllah), it was really, and I mean really hurtful and agitating to sit there and listen to someone basically say that you don’t deserve a good brother because of your past.
Despite my frustration, I stayed quiet. Because 1. The other sister already explained to her exactly what I was thinking and she didn’t understand and 2. There is no point arguing with people when they only see things in black and white.
This sister grew up quite religious you could say, and I guess despite her age she is quite naive to the world beyond hers. She even went the extent of saying ‘imagine marrying someone knowing they’ve kissed another woman on the cheek’. I Thought, woah, you’re living in a bubble! Now I’m not belittling the sin, I’m just trying to point out that a lot of people, including Muslims have done a lot more than that but have repented and completely changed their lifestyle. This includes reverts, your everyday Muslims, AND shaykhs, does this mean that they are not deserving of a good person because they haven’t been practicing their whole life, and who are we to make that call?
Look at the sahabah for example. Some of them were into drinking, gambling, zina, and yet when they repented and turned their life around, some of them were promised Jannah. Are you better than them?
It’s not how you begin, it’s about how you end your life that counts.
You can probably tell by the way I’ve written this that I’m still so frustrated about what she said, and this was probably 8 months ago.
It is not up to us to decide whether someone is a ‘good’ man or woman, only Allah swt is the Judge of that. Especially if they have had a past, if Allah has forgiven them, then who are we to say anything?
May Allah swt guide us all to the straight path. May He soften our hearts and forgive us for being harsh. May He pull us out of ignorance and direct us to correct knowledge and thinking. Ameen.