Darkness to light 

Ughh this couldn’t be written any better. I was once at a friend’s house, and one of her friends’ was saying exactly this ‘good men are for good women’. And she was talking about how if someone has had a bad past then they’re not going to marry, or rather they’re not worthy of marrying someone who has been ‘good’ all along. 

Another friend tried to get her to understand the other side, and suggested that if someone has repented then it’s not up to us to decide whether they are a ‘good’ woman or not. However, she kept rebutting with this verse that says good men are for good women. 

For someone like me who has come from darkness into light (inshaaAllah), it was really, and I mean really hurtful and agitating to sit there and listen to someone basically say that you don’t deserve a good brother because of your past. 

Despite my frustration, I stayed quiet. Because 1. The other sister already explained to her exactly what I was thinking and she didn’t understand and 2. There is no point arguing with people when they only see things in black and white. 

This sister grew up quite religious you could say, and I guess despite her age she is quite naive to the world beyond hers. She even went the extent of saying ‘imagine marrying someone knowing they’ve kissed another woman on the cheek’. I Thought, woah, you’re living in a bubble! Now I’m not belittling the sin, I’m just trying to point out that a lot of people, including Muslims have done a lot more than that but have repented and completely changed their lifestyle. This includes reverts, your everyday Muslims, AND shaykhs, does this mean that they are not deserving of a good person because they haven’t been practicing their whole life, and who are we to make that call?

Look at the sahabah for example. Some of them were into drinking, gambling, zina, and yet when they repented and turned their life around, some of them were promised Jannah. Are you better than them? 

It’s not how you begin, it’s about how you end your life that counts. 

You can probably tell by the way I’ve written this that I’m still so frustrated about what she said, and this was probably 8 months ago. 

It is not up to us to decide whether someone is a ‘good’ man or woman, only Allah swt is the Judge of that. Especially if they have had a past, if Allah has forgiven them, then who are we to say anything? 

May Allah swt guide us all to the straight path. May He soften our hearts and forgive us for being harsh. May He pull us out of ignorance and direct us to correct knowledge and thinking. Ameen.

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6 thoughts on “Darkness to light 

  1. bilalsidiki says:

    I would care to disagree but in a different perspective I suppose, we should put this over us rather than putting this criteria over others.

    We should take it as we do not deserve a person who has been good all along because we know our past and how bad we were back in the day. This means that we should rather praise others who might not be doing great awesome deeds but still have lived a life better than us then they definitely are better than us. When it comes to marriage and stuff we should really be grateful whoever Allah choses for us for if they are religious then it’s only Allah’s grace that He granted us such individuals even though Allah knows how bad we had been.

    We should definitely not judge others over their past but constantly humble our own selves by thinking about our past.

    Stay blessed.

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    • loveforhijab says:

      I appreciate your input and understand where you’re coming from. However, we shouldn’t think that we are not worthy of someone good. I understand that in terms of being humble and appreciating someone who has been worshipping Allah swt longer than us. But to put yourself down and say that you do not deserve someone good, I feel is incorrect. This kind of thinking can lead to negative self talk, self esteem, insecurity and even mental health issues – especially among sisters. I may be jumping the gun here and I may have even other thought what you’ve said, but I’m just being realistic.
      I definitely agree with the last part, thanks for the reminder. Salam.

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      • bilalsidiki says:

        I will agree to disagree as I’m not a sister so maybe I don’t understand the other side and I’m just speaking my own feeble mind. It can also be that I’m not a good person as you arr or other people so I still am not able to compare myself with the actual good people as I think it’s unfair to them.

        No worries.

        Like

      • loveforhijab says:

        I think you may have misunderstood me. I’m sure you are a good person, in fact you are probably a better person than I am. Maybe our idea of a ‘good’ person is not the same.

        Like

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