Too often we forget where we came from. I don’t mean this to be physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
About a month or two ago now, I felt like my imaan was at a high Alhamdulillah. Although I didn’t consciously recognise this until later on.
I saw sisters coming to the mosque and attending halaqahs and wondered why they didn’t pray, I didn’t understand it. Because I felt like it was such an easy thing to do.
Then I realised I was being judgement. And that this is not my right.
Soon after, I fell into an iman low. This dip lasted about a week to two weeks, and although it didn’t feel good at the time, I am grateful that it happened.
This iman low made me realise how hard worship becomes when your heart isn’t there. And I knew what I had to do to bring it back up, but I physically could not bring myself to doing these things because of the hold shaytan had on me. And I hadn’t felt like that in quite sometime. I also knew why my iman dropped, and still, I continued to do these things.
The reason my iman dropped was that I slacked in worship and seeking knowledge, and wasted my time watching TV and on social media. I knew that I had to stop these things, and instead pray more sunnah prayers, read more Qur’an, and spend my time in seeking knowledge of the deen. But I could not bring myself to stopping these bad habits. Nor could I bring myself to worship beyond the 5 daily prayers and reading a little bit of Qur’an.
I soon realised that this was a great test from Allah swt. I had been confident in my Deen, and critical of others, forgetting where I was 2 years ago and how much I was struggling just to pray the fard.
This test was so that I could humble myself, to be more critical of myself rather than being critical of others. And to keep taking those little steps in worship that make a big difference to my iman, such as sunnah prayers, thikr etc. And to always, always ask for guidance because it is not guaranteed. SubhanAllah.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I often forget how low my iman used to be. How astray I was. And how much patience, perseverance, and struggle it took for my iman to increase. SubhanAllah.
We often forget that everyone is on a different journey. We might have the same goal, but this person may have just started learning about their religion, and maybe their strive to pray the fard is a greater reward in the sight of Allah swt then someone else who is praying their fard and sunnah prayers and doing extra worship, which isn’t as much of a struggle for them.
Therefore, when we see someone doing less than what we would normally do, it’s not ok that we look down on that person or think any less of them.
Even when I started attending the mosque regularly. I came across sisters who had been practicing for much, much longer than I have been. And I was surprised to see them wearing makeup, and being relaxed in other matters of the deen. And I didn’t understand it. But this iman low made me realise that maybe their struggle is greater, maybe their environment is a bigger test, and maybe their reward is greater for the seemingly ‘less’ that they are doing.
Now I try to immediately correct myself when I realise that I might be judging someone.
This is a reminder to myself first, because I seriously struggle with this. And when I feel that I’m judging someone, I remind myself of my ‘jahiliyyah’ days, even though I tried so hard to forget it. I guess it just gives me a humble reminder of where I was, and that guidance comes if Allah wills, and it goes if Allah wills.
May ALLAH swt protect us from pride and arrogance. It truly is evil. It damages the heart in more ways than we can imagine.
Your struggling sister in Islam ❤