Tangents

Not everyone will be happy for you the way you may be happy for them.

We live in a day and age where we constantly tell people what we are doing. Not everyone wants the best for you. Jealousy and envy is real, even from people you would least expect.

I think that everyone should benefit off your kindness, however I feel that not everyone deserves to know certain bits of information about you. Not everyone will be happy for you, not everyone will appreciate that you told them a certain thing. I’m quite a private person, and wont talk about my personal life except with those whom I feel comfortable with, and even then, I limit what I tell them. It’s not because I don’t trust them, nor do I have anything to hide, but because there are things in my life which people will never understand.

I think one or two people (my sister and/or best friend) know that I blog and LOVE writing. They may have even forgotten because I told them so long ago and I never talk about it. It may sound silly, but I feel like people don’t deserve to know that I love writing. Truth is, all my life everyone but a very few have always put me down, underestimated me and never took me seriously when I said I want to do so and so. Maybe because everyone else is a talker not a doer, they’ve placed me in the same category. If people that knew me came across my blog, they would probably never guess it was me, despite the familiarity in my life experiences that I have shared.

I like staying somewhat anonymous on here, but one of my life goals is to write a book. And I don’t know how I feel about my name being over this non-anonymous book! Which may contain personal experiences, so much for being a private person! I just think I have something worth sharing (I may be wrong), and I just want to prove to myself that I can do this. 

On a completely unrelated side note! I am SO excited for Ramadan. And I think we should all try to make changes now instead of waiting, even though I can almost smell it, it’s that close! There is no guarantee that either of us will live to see Ramadan, or be in a healthy state. SubhanAllah. On that topic, I visited a friend today who is sick (although temporary), it made me think about how health can be taken away at any instant. Crazy isn’t it. One day we’re here, the next day we’re not.

Last week I got pretty sick with a cold, it’s winter now in Australia, so flu season is here. And I thought ‘wow, we don’t appreciate our health until it has declined’, even for those few days, simple tasks became difficult. And do we appreciate the beauty of health when we are better? How Great is Allah swt, we are ungrateful, yet He still feeds and clothes us, Alhamdulillah.

Back to my original post, not everything about you should be shared. Even those whom you think will support you, might not. In fact, they may even do the opposite by discouraging you to follow your dreams and passions. 

Speaking of passions; last night I met a sister who came here from overseas on a research visa. She came here to do her PhD funded by her university, in a career she doesn’t even want to pursue. She is 35 and is doing it because of the pressure of her parents. She told me about how her dream job is in children’s illustration. The way she spoke about the love she has for art was inspiring, yet sad at the same time. Life is too short to live it for people, even your parents. Live life in the pursuit of attaining Allah’s pleasure first, and then follow your passion no matter how difficult it may be. 

I have gone off on way too many tangents. I guess this is what happens when you’re still writing at almost 1 a.m. 

Summary 

1. Keep some things to yourself, not everyone deserves a piece of your life. 

2. Appreciate your health and everything else before it is taken away from you. And, don’t wait until Ramadan to make a change. Life is short. Death is unexpected. 

3. I am weird and have trust issues. 

4. Follow your dreams! As corny as it sounds, live life for you! 

As always, reminder to myself before anyone. 

Best of Planners

“What has reached you was never meant to miss you and what has missed you was never meant to reach you.” Prophet Muhammad (saw).

I’ve read this many times before, but yesterday when I read it I seriously internalised it. Maybe because I was having one of those days where I was just thinking everything over. Did I make the right decision when I did this, etc.

We always think ‘What if I had done xyz?’, ‘What if it turned out to be like this instead of that?’

SubhanAllah, Allah swt is the best of Planners. Yet, sometimes we question a situation forgetting that this is the decree of Allah swt. Allah is the One who created us, He knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows what is best for us. Yet we still wonder why things didn’t go the way we wanted them to. Where is the trust?

If you were never meant to marry a particular person, then be happy with it because that is what Allah swt decreed.

If you were never meant to have that job, be sure that that is what is best for you because indeed Allah is the best of planners.

What He has in store for us is better for us than what we want for ourselves. This is something we all forget.

 

 

Blessings of an iman low

Too often we forget where we came from. I don’t mean this to be physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

About a month or two ago now, I felt like my imaan was at a high Alhamdulillah. Although I didn’t consciously recognise this until later on. 

I saw sisters coming to the mosque and attending halaqahs and wondered why they didn’t pray, I didn’t understand it. Because I felt like it was such an easy thing to do. 

Then I realised I was being judgement. And that this is not my right. 

Soon after, I fell into an iman low. This dip lasted about a week to two weeks, and although it didn’t feel good at the time, I am grateful that it happened. 

This iman low made me realise how hard worship becomes when your heart isn’t there. And I knew what I had to do to bring it back up, but I physically could not bring myself to doing these things because of the hold shaytan had on me. And I hadn’t felt like that in quite sometime. I also knew why my iman dropped, and still, I continued to do these things. 

The reason my iman dropped was that I slacked in worship and seeking knowledge, and wasted my time watching TV and on social media. I knew that I had to stop these things, and instead pray more sunnah prayers, read more Qur’an, and spend my time in seeking knowledge of the deen. But I could not bring myself to stopping these bad habits. Nor could I bring myself to worship beyond the 5 daily prayers and reading a little bit of Qur’an. 

I soon realised that this was a great test from Allah swt. I had been confident in my Deen, and critical of others, forgetting where I was 2 years ago and how much I was struggling just to pray the fard. 

This test was so that I could humble myself, to be more critical of myself rather than being critical of others. And to keep taking those little steps in worship that make a big difference to my iman, such as sunnah prayers, thikr etc. And to always, always ask for guidance because it is not guaranteed. SubhanAllah. 

I don’t know about anyone else, but I often forget how low my iman used to be. How astray I was. And how much patience, perseverance, and struggle it took for my iman to increase. SubhanAllah. 

We often forget that everyone is on a different journey. We might have the same goal, but this person may have just started learning about their religion, and maybe their strive to pray the fard is a greater reward in the sight of Allah swt then someone else who is praying their fard and sunnah prayers and doing extra worship, which isn’t as much of a struggle for them.

Therefore, when we see someone doing less than what we would normally do, it’s not ok that we look down on that person or think any less of them. 

Even when I started attending the mosque regularly. I came across sisters who had been practicing for much, much longer than I have been. And I was surprised to see them wearing makeup, and being relaxed in other matters of the deen. And I didn’t understand it. But this iman low made me realise that maybe their struggle is greater, maybe their environment is a bigger test, and maybe their reward is greater for the seemingly ‘less’ that they are doing. 

Now I try to immediately correct myself when I realise that I might be judging someone. 

This is a reminder to myself first, because I seriously struggle with this. And when I feel that I’m judging someone, I remind myself of my ‘jahiliyyah’ days, even though I tried so hard to forget it. I guess it just gives me a humble reminder of where I was, and that guidance comes if Allah wills, and it goes if Allah wills. 

May ALLAH swt protect us from pride and arrogance. It truly is evil. It damages the heart in more ways than we can imagine. 

Your struggling sister in Islam ❤