Wall

She built a wall. 

She wouldn’t let anyone knock them down, not at all.

She thought this would sheild her

From all the harm that was to occur.

She thought this was protection 

Not letting anyone give her affection.

She thought this would save her from heart ache 

But no one gave her a break.

She lived by the saying that went something like this 

‘The best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend like you don’t have one.’

.

So she lived her life acting like she didn’t have a heart, 

In most cases, she convinced herself that this indeed worked. Thinking she played it smart. 

She pretended that she didn’t have feelings, 

Convinced that this would stop the bleeding.

Then one day, she started to take her religion seriously, 

The religion of peace which people wonder about so curiously. 

She realised that to be in this completely,

She would have to have a heart that was soft and gentle, not so discreetly.

Now she needed to be careful, and speak kindly to people,

Regardless of her frustration, she had to keep it peaceful. 

.

.

.

Her heart was ice cold

At least that’s she told. 

She believed that putting on that persona meant no more pain

And that pretending to be heartless would keep her sane.

At this point, she had been through so much already, 

She just wanted her life to be steady. 

So please stop asking her to let her guard down, 

Cause that’s what made her breakdown.

She will be sure to keep those walls up

Until she feels that she can trust you enough.

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The most dreadful phone call

When I answered the phone, 

I don’t recall ever feeling more alone. 

My mother’s voice on the end, 

“Your dad just passed away” she said. 

I walked into my room, pacing in the dark. 

‘How could this be?’ to myself I asked.

It was like nothing I ever felt; empty and hollow. 

Why did this happen, I never felt so much sorrow. 

And then if things couldn’t get worse,

My younger siblings asked me what felt like the most dreaded question in the universe.

“Did dad die” they said

These words I will never forget. 

The look on their innocent face,  

From my mind I can never erase. 

So much pain, so much worry, 

I was told to lie to them “no don’t be stupid” I felt so sorry

For the pain that was about to come, 

Was only the beginning, especially for my mum.

After that day, the house was filled with family and friends, 

Promising that they would be there till the end.

I think that’s the thing that made me grow up so quickly 

Empty promises that were made insincerely. 

From a young age I knew, 

Life was not easy. Why? I had no clue

Was it because nobody kept their promise? 

Why couldn’t they just be honest? 

Don’t lie to a child,

They will always remember the betrayal that made them feel exiled

Cut off from the world, feeling hopeless and tired. 

I was thirteen when my life took a turn, 

That’s when I knew I had to be more firm.

To protect myself and my family, 

Everything happened so rapidly. 

But more distress was still to come.

Then the funeral arrived, how I felt so numb. 

Now you lay there dear father, 

I miss you more, every year it gets harder. 

May your grave be filled with light, 

I pray to God that we will reunite

In the best place off all, 

Created by God Himself, named Janat al Firdaws. 

-This is the vague but true story of what happened when I found out my father passed away. I don’t think I’ve shared it more than a few people before as its quite personal. But I’m kind of anonymous here, so it’s a good way to get things out of system. Thanks for reading 💙

Prove them wrong 

They told her “you can’t do it on your own” 

“Watch me” she said, with a confident tone. 

She knew she had to prove them wrong, even if it meant they would no longer get along. 

So that’s what she did, she made the decision to move on and make a living. 

They stared and wondered how she did it with such precision. 

How could a once lost young girl pick herself up so neatly? 

Dust herself off and continue as if it was so easy? 

They were confused, “But how did she?” 

She said, “I told you, not to underestimate me” 

“I don’t have time!”

Image result for time quotes

I know lately I’ve posted a fair bit about ‘time’, and it’s because I’m trying to be more productive with my time. And there’s the issue right there; ‘my’ time. SubhanAllah. Who has given us this time? Who has given us every single blessing that we have?

Even my 8 year old students at the Mosque give me the excuse of “I didn’t have time” when I ask them if they have practised their Qur’an and Surah’s. How can a child possibly not have enough time? That would be them following the priorities and excuses of their parents and family, but that’s a topic for another day.

So what does it mean when someone says they don’t have time? You have time to eat, to sleep, to do your school/Uni work. Why? Because these things are a priority, and what about if you didn’t do them? If you don’t eat and sleep, you will not be able to function properly. And there are consequences for not doing your school work etc.

The same way people ‘don’t have time to pray’ shouldn’t have time to eat. Because just like the nourishment of the physical body is food, the nourishment of the soul is prayer. Just like you will get sick and die if you do not eat and sleep properly, your spiritual heart can also become hard, and even worse; dead.

If we don’t have enough time to seek knowledge in Islam, then we shouldn’t have time to go to school. Sounds a little extreme, however, the Owner of time commanded certain things for us to do, and if we can’t make time for them then what is our priority? This life or the hereafter?

The clock is ticking. I was listening to a tafseer of Surah Fajr just before, which by the way is a great reminder of time. In the tafseer, the Shaykh said that on the Day of Judgement, even the pious will feel that they should have done more for the hereafter. Isn’t that scary? The amount of regret we will feel for every minute we wasted.

This is a reminder to myself first. May Allah make us of those who use our time productively, and be shaded on the Day of Judgement, ameen.

 

 

Sins

When I think about my life oh deary,

I must have kept the angel on my left shoulder so busy.
Oh angel, how did you not tire of writing my sins?
Until I repented, and a new way of life for me begins?
There were many, and they were not small.
But before I return to you ya Rabb, I ask your forgiveness from them all.
Even the ones that I am not able to recall.
I was so foolish, I can no longer stall.
Repent oh dear friend,
For this life will verily end.
Repent in the darkness of the night
To save yourself from a punishment heavy in might
Repent in the lightness of the day,
For you do not know when your time is underway.
Repent not tomorrow, but tonight
For you do not know when the angel will come to you with light. 

Time is of the essence.

SubhanAllah, what a wake up call!

Today I attended a weekend course Alhamdulillah. The course was called ‘Eternal Home’ by the Alkauthar Institute. It was a detailed seminar on the characteristics of heaven and hell, as well as how to reserve your spot in Jannah, and avoid being among the dwellers of Jahannam.

Here I was being okay with doing what I usually do, even though I know I need to do so much more. I am someone who procrastinates A LOT, right up until the deadline. But there is no ‘deadline’ so to speak, for ibadah (worship). No one is holding me accountable at this very moment, no one is asking what knowledge I have attained this week, or how many Sunnah prayers I have prayed.

Although lately I’ve had the intention to do more, I think today was it for me. Why are we happy or satisfied with the worship that we do? Alhamdulillah, we pray 5 times a day, read a few pages of Qur’an. And then what? Spend the rest of our day on Facebook and other social media outlets, or watching T.V. There is SO much we can do, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge I have to learn. The more I learn about this perfect deen, the more I realise there is to learn. SubhanAllah. There are so many areas of knowledge we can learn from, there is always room for improvement with our salah, our recitation, memorisation, our thikr, our deen in general. Even useful worldly knowledge.

I know that comparing ourselves to others is a big fat NO NO. But unfortunately, it’s something that we sometimes do. We may be content with reading a few pages of Qur’an a day, even though we have plenty of time. Why? Maybe because we are surrounded by people who do a lot less, surrounded by our friends and family who don’t pray, and we become okay with doing less than what we are capable of because others aren’t even doing that much. Or, we may even compare it to how we used to spend our time, maybe we’ve gone from reading one page a day to four. And we stop at 4, even though we have the time and means to read much much more. At least it’s better than what we used to read, right? Well, if we are capable of doing more then we should, without burning ourselves out of course.

We’ve become okay with being ordinary. Ordinary at everything, including our deen. It’s not to say that everyone should become scholars, rather we should work to our highest potential (which we often underestimate).

Why should we try to exceed our potential? Because we can never get back time that is lost, wasted, and gone by. Time is a blessing of Allah swt;

“The blessing of time is one of the greatest blessings that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves. Allaah even swears by time in some cases, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“By Al‑‘Asr (the time)”

[al-‘Asr 103:1] 

– because of the importance and blessing of time.  

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Make the most of five things before five others: life before death, health before sickness, free time before becoming busy, youth before old age, and wealth before poverty.” See Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 1077. “

Imagine all of those who have passed on. Don’t you think that they would want to come back to earth to prostrate to Allah swt. And those in graves that would give absolutely anything just to come back for one second to say “La illaha Ilallah”.

How much time do we waste? We’re going to be asked by Allah swt on that Day what we did with our time. Is our answer going to be sufficient?

I’ll leave you with one hadith inshaaAllah.

The Prophet (pbuh) said: “No one of you will enter Paradise by his deeds alone.” They asked, “Not even you, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Not even me, unless Allah covers me with His Grace and Mercy” (Bukhari, Riqaq, 18; Muslim, Munafiq, 71-73).

If the Prophet saw (whom is the best of mankind), if his deeds alone are not enough for Jannah, what about us?

A reminder to myself first and foremost, and then to you. May we be productive with our time, and may Allah swt allow us into Jannah by His Infinite Mercy, ameen.

Is beauty in the eye of the beholder?

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

She didn’t feel pretty. Or beautiful. Because that’s what society told her. 

Then she remembered that someone once told her; ‘true beauty lies within.’

‘If you look beautiful but you’re ugly on the inside, then are you still beautiful?’ She thought to herself. 

Then she remembered reading that God doesn’t look at your outer beauty, rather He is only interested in your inner beauty. 

And what’s beauty anyway? 

‘Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder?’

But wait, society taught her that beauty is on the outside, and that if you’re not ‘beautiful’ then you should fix that. 

And they had all the ‘remedies’ to help you get there. 

From the eyebrow plucking to the eyelash curlers. From the over priced foundation to the deadly waist trainers. 

She picked up the magazine she bought that week and flicked through the pages. ‘How contradictory’, she thought. 

On page 9 there is an article about loving and embracing who you are, regardless of your ‘flaws’. 

However, on page 15, 17, 18.

She stopped counting. 

Because every page after that was a product that marketed the exact opposite. 

And if it weren’t a product, it was an article about natural ways to get rid of all those flaws. 

So which is it? 

Why the mixed messages? 

Why do we keep pretending that these messages aren’t harming us and our youth? 

Why do we keep fooling ourselves to believe that these things are harmless?

Because I tell you, many young girls have been left depressed. And that is due to the very fact that they don’t look like the girl in the magazine. 

But how could you possibly look like that air brushed, photo shopped, edited, ‘perfect’ woman. 

How many females have committed suicide because they didn’t think that they fit into society’s idea of beautiful? 

And how many more have to die before we realise that this, in fact, is far more serious than any of us ever comprehended? 

We need to teach our women, young and old, to love themselves. To accept and embrace who they are. Teach them that true beauty really is on the inside. 

Teach them this. Even though it does not stop this harsh world from judging and making fun of their physical appearance.

You may be mocked for wearing your hair a little different. You may be mocked for not showing your hair at all. 

The pretty girls may laugh at you.

But if you respond with kindness and humility, to that and to everything else, and you don’t allow it to make you harsh and bitter,

then who is the one that is truly beautiful?