There’s a fine line between giving up and letting go. Giving up means selling yourself short, whilst letting go means freeing yourself of negativity. Unfortunately, people often get the two mixed up. They stay in a toxic relationships because they don’t want to ‘give up’ on that person and/or the relationship itself because they have put so much effort into trying to make it work.
This thought usually stems from their parents and their surroundings. They are taught not to ‘give up’ on their marriage, for various reasons. One of which, they think their child will never find love again, and sometimes, it’s about ‘What will people think?’ Which annoys me the most, but that can be a topic for another day. Also because their parents have gone through worse and have been able to pull through, and so they enforce their experiences onto their adult children. Now, that’s not always a bad thing. Of course you need to put effort into making a marriage work, but when it comes to a certain extent of abuse, cheat, betrayal, etc. then personally I believe it’s got to stop there.
Your parents relationship can definately be a learning experience for you, but in some cases, when the marriage is simply not working, where there is no respect, no compromise, no effort, etc. That’s when you need to stop, and think for yourself. You need to think about your future, and how long you can possibly put up with lies, emotional blackmail, physical abuse, and the like.
The other reason people put up with toxic relationships for so long, is because they don’t value themselves enough. They may not realise that they don’t know their self worth, but it is evident in the things they put up with, and the type of people they keep in their life. They think that they do not deserve something better, and equally, that they will not get anything better in future.
I’ve never been married, however, I’ve seen far too many people put up with toxic relationships because of the above reasons. I just had a friend console me about her husband and it really made me wonder why she would stick around. I’m no marriage expert, but you can tell when someone is not valuing the person in front of them. To tell you they love you is one thing, but to show it in their actions, that’s what you should be looking out for. Do their actions follow their words? Are they being condescending? Do they keep promising you empty promises? Are they abusive? Always angry? Don’t respect you? Then move on. I’m no angel, but without respect, there is nothing really left. I wish that people would wake up and realise that they are worth more than they think. They don’t have to put up with an abusive spouse for the rest of their lives. It’s not worth your emotional and physical well being.
I wish people would draw the line where it’s supposed to be drawn, that way, they wouldn’t be spending their lives in heartache and misery. Know your worth, don’t stick around because you think you will never get another chance at love. And remember that love and marriage isn’t everything. Yes, it can be beautiful, but it’s not the end goal. It is just a means for you to meet your Lord.
The same thing also applies to general relationships, to jobs, to careers, to absolutely everything in life. Don’t sell yourself short. Know your worth.