Tonight marks 10 years since my dad passed away. But I’m not feeling as sad as I usually do on this date. Mostly because recently I’ve read about how we shouldn’t unnecessarily dwell and reminisce on the ‘anniversary’ of anything. And I guess I’m trying to look at the positives as apposed to the negatives I tend to focus on.
When I think about this date, it used to remind me of all the people who came that night and the next few weeks to comfort us, and how they promised they would always be there. I used to think about how disappointed I was with people for not keeping their promises and for letting us down, then and now, and over and over again. But the last couple of days, I realised I should think about the positives. Someone might say ‘How can anything positive come out of people not sticking to their word and betraying you?’ Simple. As believers, it reminds us that we should rely on no one but Allah. No matter how they’re related to you, how long you’ve known them for, how close you were. People will always let you down. It’s a given. It’s happened with family, friends who I’ve known for so long and given my all to. It really is a blessing in disguise. SubhanAllah.
I guess people who haven’t lost a parent wouldn’t really understand what circumstances it can put you in. Throughout my life I’ve been faced with many trials. Alhamdullilah, trials which if one had both parents probably wouldn’t face. From extra financial responsibilities to acting as the second parent to your younger siblings. It teaches you lessons of patience which you would have never passed, I don’t think I passed many. In fact, from the time it happened till about a year ago, I used to think ‘life would be so much easier if he hadn’t left’ and ‘this wouldn’t be happening if my dad were here’. And only recently, I realised that as a Muslim, I shouldn’t think like this. Allah is the best of planners and makes the best decisions. Who am I to second guess the decree of the All Mighty? I trust his plans and I am grateful for all that I’ve been faced with and the lessons I’ve learnt.
Despite trying to be all positive, I still get sad at the fact that he won’t be there at any of our weddings, see his grandchildren etc. When I look at people with loving father’s, it brings a tear to my eye, because I miss him and part of me yearns for that feeling of relief that I experience in my dreams. But I am extremely grateful because I still have a mother and so many other blessings that a lot of people don’t have. I realise I have to stop living in the past and take advantage of what I have now. I’m not close to my mum but I pray that I don’t regret not making the most of her presence.
I was having second thoughts about posting this, but if it helps just one person see the brighter side of things then I’m more than happy to share, because we can be so ungrateful without realising it sometimes. Just remember the One planning your life is the best of planners, He makes no mistakes. You may not see it now, but you will eventually thank Him for alot in future that doesn’t make sense now. And the trials you are facing are nothing but tests to draw you closer to the One that created you.