Blessing in disguise

I think sometimes Allah swt wants to remind us that this world is temporary. That we need to detach ourselves from the pleasures of this world, and remember our true purpose. Sometimes the reminder comes in a hardship that you don’t think you will ever be able to overcome. But Allah does not burden us more than we can bare. And we know this, we know it so well, but we struggle to comprehend it. Whether we understand it today or not, whether we can see through the light through the tunnel or not is completely irrelevant. All we need to know and understand is that what ever has happened has happened for a reason. And that He will take care of you. All you need to do is ask. And maybe that’s another thing, maybe we’ve slacked off so much since Ramadan that Allah swt just wants us to call out to Him again, and worship Him the way we did when things weren’t so great. Forgetting our purpose in life is worse than anything I can ever think of. So maybe this hardship is not the worst thing that can happen to me right now. Maybe I need to start putting my full trust in Allah swt so that He may be pleased with me and grant me a place better than this world and everything in it.

A depressing poem

Feeling down

Why this Now? 

Don’t know what it is 

Don’t know if I can handle it.

How can I feel so lonely 

When I’m surrounded by people that love me

Or so I think 

This feeling better be over quick. 

How can it be

Maybe they don’t love or appreciate me 

Put downs, 

I enter and see frowns

No greetings of peace, 

Is this how things should be? 

I don’t have the energy 

To put it simply

I cannot be bothered 

Trying to make you happy, almost impossible. 

So forget me, 

Walk away quickly

I don’t want to feel this way 

Maybe I’m feeling edgy cause it’s late  

Maybe you should just leave

Before things get harder

There is no more laughter.

Not many people will believe, 

How harsh you’ve been to me. 

You’re so nice to the others, 

Why am I the only one that doesn’t cut it

I’ve shown you so much goodness 

You kick me to the kerb as if I’m useless

Stranded outside now dear 

How did we get here 

Now things are a mess 

As usual, I’m to blame for this. 

Blinded

We feel sorry for the blind,

Yet we cannot see.
They have no sight,
But we are the ones blinded from this worlds’ beauty.

We sympathise with those who have no sense of hearing.
But we are reminded over and over again, and we do nothing.
How about those who have no speech,
Are we grateful for the blessings we reap?

Don’t feel sorry for the one who doesn’t have one of these abilities
They cannot see or hear the injustice that we commit daily.

It is true that we can be deaf, dumb and blind
Even though we see, hear and speak.

“Deaf, dumb and blind – so they will not return [to the right path].” -Baqarah v18

“The lightning almost snatches away their sight. Every time it lights [the way] for them, they walk therein; but when darkness comes over them, they stand [still]. And if Allah had willed, He could have taken away their hearing and their sight. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent.” -Baqarah v20

Hospital bed

Seeing you like this,

So hard. 

I’m struggling to write, 

No matter how much I try

I cannot put into words, 

How much it hurts. 

I can only pray that things get better, 

But it’ll take time, patience and never 

To lose hope.


If my Lord, the all Powerful, Al-Jabbar

Can send his messenger far 

From Masjid Al Haram to Masjid Al Aqsa 

Through the heavens and back to Makkah

Then He can surely cure you if He wills. 

And if my Lord the Most Merciful, 

Can grant His servant Zakariah 

Whose bones were weak and frail

Grant him a child when he asked for a successor 

Even though his wife was barren, 

By the Will of my Lord, anything can happen. 

And how about when our mother Maryam

Had a baby without a man 

Her son became one of the most noble 

Prophets to walk this globe.

So do not despair 

Allah will take care of your affairs.

And for Musa, He split the sea in two, 

If only you knew

Maybe your health will be restored

And it is easy for My Lord 

To simply say “Be” and it is.

There is nothing He cannot fix.

~Seeing my grandpa in the hospital the way he is, he’s not himself. He’s usually so strong and tough. Now he’s weak, sore, and struggles to move. He usually has a very loud voice, and now we can barely hear him due the cords damaging his insides. He’s hallucinating due to the stroke, explaining events that never took place. The pain to see him like that is one thing, but to see my grandmother upset and hurting is a whole nother story. It just reminds you how temporary this life is. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah for everything.

Please keep him in your duas as well as all the other sick people in the hospital and at home. May Allah swt heal all the sick and grant their families Sabrine jameel. Ameen.

Darkness to light 

Ughh this couldn’t be written any better. I was once at a friend’s house, and one of her friends’ was saying exactly this ‘good men are for good women’. And she was talking about how if someone has had a bad past then they’re not going to marry, or rather they’re not worthy of marrying someone who has been ‘good’ all along. 

Another friend tried to get her to understand the other side, and suggested that if someone has repented then it’s not up to us to decide whether they are a ‘good’ woman or not. However, she kept rebutting with this verse that says good men are for good women. 

For someone like me who has come from darkness into light (inshaaAllah), it was really, and I mean really hurtful and agitating to sit there and listen to someone basically say that you don’t deserve a good brother because of your past. 

Despite my frustration, I stayed quiet. Because 1. The other sister already explained to her exactly what I was thinking and she didn’t understand and 2. There is no point arguing with people when they only see things in black and white. 

This sister grew up quite religious you could say, and I guess despite her age she is quite naive to the world beyond hers. She even went the extent of saying ‘imagine marrying someone knowing they’ve kissed another woman on the cheek’. I Thought, woah, you’re living in a bubble! Now I’m not belittling the sin, I’m just trying to point out that a lot of people, including Muslims have done a lot more than that but have repented and completely changed their lifestyle. This includes reverts, your everyday Muslims, AND shaykhs, does this mean that they are not deserving of a good person because they haven’t been practicing their whole life, and who are we to make that call?

Look at the sahabah for example. Some of them were into drinking, gambling, zina, and yet when they repented and turned their life around, some of them were promised Jannah. Are you better than them? 

It’s not how you begin, it’s about how you end your life that counts. 

You can probably tell by the way I’ve written this that I’m still so frustrated about what she said, and this was probably 8 months ago. 

It is not up to us to decide whether someone is a ‘good’ man or woman, only Allah swt is the Judge of that. Especially if they have had a past, if Allah has forgiven them, then who are we to say anything? 

May Allah swt guide us all to the straight path. May He soften our hearts and forgive us for being harsh. May He pull us out of ignorance and direct us to correct knowledge and thinking. Ameen.

Feeling abandoned

And just like that, you have left us again

Year after year, out into the wilderness you descend,
Before we could taste the sweetness of your presence.
I pray that our deeds are of acceptance.
How dear you are to me,
Seeing you again, I have no guarantee.
Many of us reach the height of worship when you’re around,
Only to fall back to our bad habits once shawwal comes round.

The fastness of this month should be a reminder to you and I,
About how fast this life goes by.
Before you know it, we’ll be standing in front of our Lord
Answering questions about this life we adored.
How were our daily prayers,
Our speech and our manners.
Were we kind, generous and helpful.
Or did we make life difficult for people.
How did we spend our wealth and youth.
Did we spend our time in worship or at play.
These are things that will be asked on that day.
Are we still not ready to make a change?

#ImissRamadan

The Qur’an

People sometimes ask the inevitable question,

“Why do you read a book that requires so much comprehension?”
“If you do not understand what you’re reading
How do you expect to find in it healing?”

See, this book is the one that can turn the hearts of many,
Regardless of how much envy
You may have originally had
You cannot escape the plans of God, Al-Ahad.

When I recite the verses of this book,
I cannot overlook
The fact that God is speaking to me personally
How could I read it carelessly?

In this Qur’an there is a remedy,
For every pain and every calamity.
If you reflect upon its meanings,
You will find so many blessings.

It is out of God’s love and mercy,
That he sent Prophets before you and me,
Whose stories are lessons for every human being,
Not matter what hardships you might be facing.

Read this book so that it may heal
All this pain that seems surreal,
Recite in the name of your Lord,
So that you return to Him with much reward.

Near death

Two nights ago my grandfather had some sort of heart attack or stroke. His long term heart issues, plus diabetes and other health problems almost gave in on him. At one point in the night, whilst the paramedics were attempting to revive him, were told that he died. We later found out that his pacemaker stopped 62 times. SubhanAllah.

Alhamdulillah, after many attempts of defibrillation and CPR, they got his heart beating again. And of course, none of this happened except by the will of Allah (SWT). At almost 12 midnight, he was rushed to the hospital and we all followed. Not knowing anything, everyone was extremely distressed and concerned, particularly my grandmother.

After some time, we received news of his condition; 3 broken ribs due to CPR, unhealthy kidneys, at this point it was not looking good at all. We weren’t allowed to see him, and for the next few hours we waited in the waiting room, anxious and longing for answers. We were later asked a question which I never could have ever comprehended; to put him on life support or not to. We were explained the possible consequences of the choices we had, and my grandmother and aunty were quick to agree to the life support.

After a couple of hours waiting, knowing that by waiting at the hospital, news wouldn’t come any faster, I decided to leave to clean my grandmothers house before she came back. (Before I left, I walked into the house and there was blood on the bathroom floor and the lounge room was trashed with needles and rubbish from the paramedics). I desperately wanted to clear everything before anyone else came home to the mess, particularly my grandmother. And at this point, I was almost certain that he was not going to make it. At almost 2 a.m, I left the hospital to go to my grandmothers house, and my cousin followed. At first, I was kind of okay (or at least pretending to myself and to people) with going alone. Then one of our relatives told us that the carpet needs to be taken outside (due to blood on it, which I ended up just scrubbing as it wasn’t much) and suggested that my cousin should come with me. I was relieved that he did. When I got there, I waited in the car as I just did not want to enter alone into the mess I saw before I had left.

It might sound a little cliche, but you know the saying “you don’t know how strong you are until you have to be” something like that, well it’s kind of true. I’m usually not good when it comes to blood and other ‘icky’ things. But God gave me some sort of strength to clean up this pool of blood, that had also splattered on the wall, (Sorry for the image!) Although I felt a little uncomfortable doing it, I didn’t want to leave the burden on anyone else, and I was trying to stay strong as everyone else was breaking down.

I got home at about 3 a.m, and broke down. I was so sure this was it, I wasn’t being negative, I was being realistic. His heart stopped so many times, it was not looking good at all! The next morning (now yesterday morning) we woke up and we rushed to my grandmothers and then headed back to the hospital. At this point, he was stable but not breathing on his own, they had put him in intensive care, and couldn’t tell us what the outcome would be. Then late last night, they called the hospital and we were told that they plan to wake him up the following morning, (i.e this morning).

Alhamdulillah, today he woke up and was able to breathe on his own. And then in the afternoon, he was able to talk! SubhanAllah. Things are looking steady now alhamdulillah, and he will inshaaAllah slowly recover.

This incident made me think about a few things.

We celebrate birth but hate death, but death brings us closer to Allah swt (inshaaAllah). We are so surprised when someone dies, even though we know that it is the only thing guaranteed in this life, and whatever happens is the decree of Allah swt, and He knows better!

Losing a loved one is one thing, but being at the centre of the tragic moment makes things SOOO much more painful. When I lost my dad at 13, I was not with him whilst he was having a heart attack. And up until a couple of nights ago, I thought it would have been good for me to be with him in his last few moments. But witnessing someone die, being there when there are ambulances and paramedics everywhere, being there through the anticipated death is on another level. That gut wrenching feeling came once again that night, but it was a different kind of one. Knowing someone definitely passed away vs being there looking for answers and making dua that someone survives are both feelings I never want to feel again. But that is the nature of this dunya, our loved ones will leave us one day, and I don’t know how many more times I can go through this.

And this thought brought me to my next reflection, I lost one parent, but Alhamdulillah, I have my mother remaining. I almost lost my grandfather, and I don’t want people to die, simply because I don’t think I’m capable of handling it. This made me think about the people who lose family members everyday, those who are in Syria and other countries, even those in my own country who’ve lost multiple family members at once due to a car accident or something. It made me later think about the Prophet (SAW) who lost his beloved wife, uncle, companions, and many other loved ones during his life. Yet he always, always stood firm (SAW).

It also brought me back to reality. After Ramadan, we tend to slack off a little, or a lot. And seeing people on social media complain about the smallest things agitated me so much, because I just thought how small of a problem they had compared to mine and my family’s. Although this is probably not the correct way to think, I should instead, think about how many times I’ve complained over petty things and put an end to it. This incident, for a moment, removed the bubble that I had been living in. And I think it did for a few of my family members. But once we heard the good news this afternoon, I think we all started to slacken again with our prayers and other ibadah. How heedless we are, reminder after reminder, it makes me wonder; when will we learn?! A reminder to myself first!

Oh Allah, cure the diseases of our heart so that we may worship you with sincerity, ameen. Grant shifa to the sick, and sabrun jameel to their families, ameen.

Newly learnt concept: Mu’akha

Tonight I learnt somethings about the Seerah which I had no idea about. This is the Mu’akha (I believe it means brotherhood or something alike), in which after the hijra, the Prophet (SAW) paired the muhajirun and the ansar. From my understanding, this is the second thing he did after building a masjid (i.e. before establishing his own home). They took this brotherhood so seriously that they were to inherit from another if one of them passed away (until Allah SWT revealed not to do this). They took this brotherhood so seriously that some of the ansar offered half of all of their wealth to their new brothers.

Something that brought tears to my eyes was when the muhajirun complained to the Prophet (SAW) about the ansar. The ansar were so generous and helpful that the muhajirun feared that they would take their rewards away from them. SubhanAllah, the complaint was not against them, rather the muhajirun were worried about their own good deeds. The complaint was in the way of a praise.

It made me think about when someone is extremely good to us, we often get suspicious and think that they may have an ulterior motive. And SubhanAllah, this is our weakness and something we need to change, as we shouldn’t suspect bad of people. BUT look at the worry they had, the level of imaan, I can’t comprehend. May Allah SWT be pleased with them all, and may He allow us to follow their path and the path of the Prophet (SAW). Ameen.

I often think about how amazing it would have been to live in those times, although extremely, extremely hard. Just to be in the presence of the Prophet (SAW) and to be of the sahabiyat. What an honour! However, Allah SWT in His infinite wisdom chose us to live in this century- and there is greatness in this, even if we may struggle to see it.

By the way, this is the YouTube series of Shaykh Yasir Qadhi, where he completes the entire Seerah (highly recommend!) And he mentions how there is a common misconception regarding the mu’akha. It is sometimes perceived that the mu’akha only lasted a short amount of time. However, it continued until the very end. He mentions that this is known due to the fact that the sahabah that were paired, their names are later mentioned together. And also at the fact that the later Muslims were also paired.

This shows us the importance of brotherhood and sisterhood in regards to the success of a community. He mentioned that it is a neglected Sunnah, and we should make an effort to revive it- particularly with our revert brothers and sisters.

I vividly thought about how this can be done within our community, and plan to brainstorm ideas about how we can implement this in our local masjid, even if it’s pairing younger sisters with older ones etc. inshaaAllah.

The prophet (SAW) said: “Whoever revives an aspect of my Sunnah that is forgotten after my death, he will have a reward equivalent to that of the people who follow him, without it detracting in the least from their reward.”

[Reported by al-Tirmidhi]

SubhanAllah, now that we know this is a sunnah, may Allah swt make it easy for us to revive it, whether it is within our home, school, workplace, masjid etc. So that we may be rewarded in the hereafter, ameen.

If you have any ideas on how this could be done within a masjid, or any other setting please feel free to share!

Tangents

Not everyone will be happy for you the way you may be happy for them.

We live in a day and age where we constantly tell people what we are doing. Not everyone wants the best for you. Jealousy and envy is real, even from people you would least expect.

I think that everyone should benefit off your kindness, however I feel that not everyone deserves to know certain bits of information about you. Not everyone will be happy for you, not everyone will appreciate that you told them a certain thing. I’m quite a private person, and wont talk about my personal life except with those whom I feel comfortable with, and even then, I limit what I tell them. It’s not because I don’t trust them, nor do I have anything to hide, but because there are things in my life which people will never understand.

I think one or two people (my sister and/or best friend) know that I blog and LOVE writing. They may have even forgotten because I told them so long ago and I never talk about it. It may sound silly, but I feel like people don’t deserve to know that I love writing. Truth is, all my life everyone but a very few have always put me down, underestimated me and never took me seriously when I said I want to do so and so. Maybe because everyone else is a talker not a doer, they’ve placed me in the same category. If people that knew me came across my blog, they would probably never guess it was me, despite the familiarity in my life experiences that I have shared.

I like staying somewhat anonymous on here, but one of my life goals is to write a book. And I don’t know how I feel about my name being over this non-anonymous book! Which may contain personal experiences, so much for being a private person! I just think I have something worth sharing (I may be wrong), and I just want to prove to myself that I can do this. 

On a completely unrelated side note! I am SO excited for Ramadan. And I think we should all try to make changes now instead of waiting, even though I can almost smell it, it’s that close! There is no guarantee that either of us will live to see Ramadan, or be in a healthy state. SubhanAllah. On that topic, I visited a friend today who is sick (although temporary), it made me think about how health can be taken away at any instant. Crazy isn’t it. One day we’re here, the next day we’re not.

Last week I got pretty sick with a cold, it’s winter now in Australia, so flu season is here. And I thought ‘wow, we don’t appreciate our health until it has declined’, even for those few days, simple tasks became difficult. And do we appreciate the beauty of health when we are better? How Great is Allah swt, we are ungrateful, yet He still feeds and clothes us, Alhamdulillah.

Back to my original post, not everything about you should be shared. Even those whom you think will support you, might not. In fact, they may even do the opposite by discouraging you to follow your dreams and passions. 

Speaking of passions; last night I met a sister who came here from overseas on a research visa. She came here to do her PhD funded by her university, in a career she doesn’t even want to pursue. She is 35 and is doing it because of the pressure of her parents. She told me about how her dream job is in children’s illustration. The way she spoke about the love she has for art was inspiring, yet sad at the same time. Life is too short to live it for people, even your parents. Live life in the pursuit of attaining Allah’s pleasure first, and then follow your passion no matter how difficult it may be. 

I have gone off on way too many tangents. I guess this is what happens when you’re still writing at almost 1 a.m. 

Summary 

1. Keep some things to yourself, not everyone deserves a piece of your life. 

2. Appreciate your health and everything else before it is taken away from you. And, don’t wait until Ramadan to make a change. Life is short. Death is unexpected. 

3. I am weird and have trust issues. 

4. Follow your dreams! As corny as it sounds, live life for you! 

As always, reminder to myself before anyone.